Navigating Social Anxiety, Friendships, and School: A Guide for Adolescents and Their Support Systems

Written By: Larissa Edminster

It’s that time of year when students are shaking off the summer season and settling into the academic year. Returning to school means navigating new classes, teachers, extracurriculars, jobs, social situations, and friendships. For many, interacting with other students, utilizing social skills, and managing friendships is challenging. The idea of encountering these situations can cause intense fear of judgment or scrutiny for some students. Below, I will explore how social anxiety disorder (SAD) impacts life and offer strategies for managing these challenges. 

Social anxiety is characterized by an intense fear or anxiety about one or more social situations where a person can be exposed to judgment or scrutiny of others. (American Psychiatric Association, 2022, p 229). Although many of us have experienced social anxiety, someone with social anxiety disorder (SAD) experiences fear and anxiety that is out of proportion with the sociocultural context. For adolescents, this can mean difficulty initiating friendships, participating in group activities, speaking up in class, starting conversations, or simply being observed. Social anxiety disorder affects about 7% of adolescents, and symptoms can include excessive worry about embarrassment, avoidance of and withdrawal from social situations, and physical symptoms like sweating, increased heart rate, or shaking (American Psychiatric Association, 2022, p 231).

Due to the ongoing worry about being judged or rejected, sustaining friendships can feel overwhelming. Avoidance of social situations can result in isolation, loneliness, and academic difficulties for these students (Maes, et al., 2019). Below are some strategies for addressing social anxiety and in turn, fostering friendship.

Evidence-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) Techniques, including somatic management techniques, cognitive restructuring, and gradual exposure to feared situations, has been shown to reduce social anxiety symptoms in adolescents (Weisz & Kazdin, 2010, p 47). So, what are these techniques in everyday practice? First, somatic management techniques help a person identify physiological signs of anxious arousal like fast heartbeat, sweaty palms, upset stomach, etc. Essentially, when your body is feeling anxiety, you become aware as it is happening and can identify the sensations. Learning to be aware of this body response is a significant step. The next step following awareness is utilizing relaxation techniques. One such technique you can try is square breathing. Using your finger, follow the image below clockwise, breathing slowly as you count. Repeat 3 more times and check your body. How does it feel? This technique helps to soothe the nervous system and the anxious symptoms you are experiencing (Edwards, 2021, p 9). 

Second, cognitive restructuring focuses on identifying and challenging maladaptive thoughts (Self-talk) toward more coping-focused thinking. Thoughts someone with social anxiety may have are, “Everyone is looking at me,” or “I am going to fail, and everyone will judge me negatively.” Identifying these thoughts and intentionally replacing them with more accurate and supportive thoughts like “Realistically, most or all of my peers are not looking at or thinking of me at all. They are likely thinking about themselves too,” or “sometimes I fail, like everyone else. I am capable of handling this situation.” 

Lastly, Gradual Exposure Therapy can help reduce fear over time and allow more access to social environments and opportunities to foster friendships (Xian, et al., 2024). Gradual exposure helps build tolerance to social situations and decrease avoidance behavior. For many with social anxiety, it is necessary to start with discussing a feared social situation in a safe, low-stakes environment. You can list out the fears you have and then rank them in order from least scary, to most scary. Starting at the least fearful end, begin to form a plan. For example, let's say making a phone call to a friend seems a little scary. Start by making a plan for when you plan to call, which friend you already feel most comfortable calling, what you want to talk about, doing square breathing right before making the call, and finally making the call. Following this first exercise, review how it went. How did it feel in your body? How scary was it? What thoughts did you have? As you work your way up toward more and more feared situations, continue using somatic management techniques and cognitive restructuring. Sometimes exposure needs to start with simply imagining a scenario or role playing with a safe person. Be sure to meet yourself where you are challenging yourself. 

Another area of support in treating social anxiety is social skills training (Olivares-Olivares, et al., 2019). Focusing specifically on building confidence, communication, assertiveness, and problem-solving skills. As you work on these skills, fall back on the somatic techniques and cognitive restructuring skills. The combination of social skills and CBT can support adolescents in navigating social anxiety interfering with school and friendship. Finally, If social anxiety significantly impacts daily life, consider seeking help from a mental health professional who specializes in adolescent anxiety.

Social anxiety can be a significant barrier to forming and maintaining friendships for adolescents, but with the right strategies and support, it is possible to overcome these challenges. By understanding the impact of social anxiety, implementing evidence-based strategies, and providing supportive environments, adolescents can build meaningful relationships and improve their social well-being.

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787

Edwards, A. (2021). 15-minute Counseling Techniques That Actually Work. National Center for Youth Issues. 

Maes, M., Nelemans, S. A., Danneel, S., Fernández-Castilla, B., Van den Noortgate, W., Goossens, L., & Vanhalst, J. (2019). Loneliness and Social Anxiety across Childhood and Adolescence: Multilevel Meta-Analyses of Cross-Sectional and Longitudinal Associations. Developmental Psychology, 55(7), 1548–1565. https://doi-org.rmuohp.proxy.liblynxgateway.com/10.1037/dev0000719

Olivares-Olivares, P., Ortiz-Gonzales, P., Olivares, J. (2019) Role of social skills training in adolescents with social anxiety disorder. International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology, 19, 1, 41-48. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijchp.2018.11.002

Weisz, J., Kazdin, A. (2010). Evidence-Based Psychotherapies for Children and Adolescents, Second Edition. The Guilford Press. 

Xian, J., Zhang, Y., & Jiang, B. (2024). Psychological interventions for social anxiety disorder in children and adolescents: A systematic review and network meta-analysis. Journal of Affective Disorders, 365, 614–627. https://doi-org.rmuohp.proxy.liblynxgateway.com/10.1016/j.jad.2024.08.097